Title of Position: Ministry of Education School Teacher
Requirements: (http://www.moe.edu.sg/careers/teach/)
Passionate
Know how to engage students in their learning
Good role model
Prepare students for the challenges of life
Lively and engaging
Nurture the spirit of innovation and passion for learning in our young
Groom students into all-rounded individuals
Block 209
Jurong East Street 21
#07-339
Singapore 600209
3 September 2009
Ms. Phua Puay Li
Deputy director of Human Resource Development
Ministry of Education, Singapore
1 North Buona Vista Drive
Singapore 138675
Dear Ms. Phua,
Dear Ms. Phua,
Re: Application for a teaching post
I am writing in response to a teaching advertisement on the Ministry of Education website. I am very interested to be a teacher as I believe that I am an asset to the education industry in Singapore. I am in the final year of my university education and I will graduate in May 2011 with a Bachelor of Science (Honours) with a specialisation in Biomedical Science at the National University of Singapore (NUS).
I have worked as a relief teacher during my holidays for seven months to enrich my teaching experience. It has helped me learn how to manage a class on my own as I was the acting form teacher of a primary six class. My teacher mentor had also taught me innovative teaching methods such as creating my own science flash cards. I had tried using these methods in class in order to better engage the students in their learning and to keep lessons lively.
The advertisement asks for a passionate teacher and I believe I am one. I have been giving tuition to primary school and secondary school students for four years. As a tuition teacher, I am dedicated to teaching my students to the best of my ability throughout their entire academic year. My efforts bore fruits when one of my students topped his PSLE cohort last year.
The advertisement also asks for a teacher, who can groom our young into all-round individuals. I believe that I am able to achieve this as I am an enthusiastic individual. Despite my heavy workload in NUS, I am active in many co-curricular activities. In my first year, I served as the Freshmen Orientation Projects Assistant Chairperson in the science faculty by organizing Freshmen Orientation projects for the incoming freshmen. I have also enthusiastically lived in King Edward VII Hall for 3 years, where I served as the Open House Director and represented my hall actively in sports such as basketball and netball. All these experiences enable me to grow as an all rounded person. Hence by being a good role model, I aim to inspire our young to possess this same active spirit and to be all-round individuals in their schools.
From the enclosed resume, I have worked as a team leader, as well as a team player, before and I hope that this shows that I can relate to people and will fit well in the education industry. All in all, I hope that my resume has shown that I am a highly self motivated person and I have strong determination in achieving any tasks given to me.
Please grant me an opportunity to have an interview with you at any time in order to discuss further with you how I can be of service as a teacher. I can be reached at the phone number and email address indicated in the resume, which is enclosed for your kind perusal.
Thank you very much for your time. I look forward to receiving your favourable reply.
Yours sincerely,
Lah Bifen Sarah
Enclosure: Resume
Hi Sarah,
ReplyDeleteGreat letter!
It is engaging and just makes me want to continue reading. I'm sure that you'll be a great candidate for the job :-)
Moreover, I think that the language used is pretty good. I especially like the last paragraph where it says, “Please grant me the opportunity to …discuss further with you how I can be of service as a teacher “. It sounds professional and is very ‘you’, which gives a better impression to the reader. It also indicates that conducting an interview with you would be beneficial for MOE, so I as the HR manager would definitely be tempted to set up one.
Your letter is clear and concise, with many concrete accomplishments (*wow!) that are related to the job. There is definitely an active voice and I feel that your letter is courteous and has an appropriately respectful tone. However, I think that you could have googled for the HR manager's name and gender for your letter (Then again, I know that all MOE job applications are done via an online form.) On the other hand, your letter is very persuasive, while not being too pushy. Good balance there.
The format is correct and there is good paragraphing. Nevertheless, I feel that you could leave a space between the salutation and the subject line, as well as between the closing and the ‘Encl: Resume’ portion.
All in all, good job with your letter.
Thanks,
Abigail
Dear readers,
ReplyDeleteI am aware that my date is supposed to be on the right hand side. However, I somehow could not shift the date to the right hand side after I copied and pasted. Sorry for the error there!
Hey Sarah, I think you elaborated well on your experiences and you fulfilled almost all the requirements. It is clear in the sense that you highlighted the qualities that you have at the beginning of each paragraph (thanks for your suggestion!)and the qualities were separated into 4 different paragraphs. So, your letter is not too cluttered. Anyway, I notice your third and fourth paragraph began with "the advertisement mentioned". I think it's unnecessary for the fourth paragraph. I may be wrong of course.
ReplyDeleteHi Sarah
ReplyDeleteSome personal comments:
Paragraph 2:
“As I am studying life science, I believe that I am able to pass down my rich knowledge of Biology to secondary school and junior college students.” To make it sound more impressive, I suggest “My specialization in Biomedical Science has equipped me with a vast (or rich) knowledge in Biology and I believe I am able to pass down this valuable knowledge to the students.” This is just my opinion.
“… which I was able to attempt executing in class on my own.” I think the word “attempt” can be eliminated. It sounds like u tried but was unsuccessful.
Paragraph 3:
“I believe that my efforts bore fruits when one of my students topped his PSLE cohort last year.” I think “I believe” can be eliminated to make it sound less rigid.
Paragraph 4:
Although it is good and clear when you make reference to the advertisement by using “The advertisement asks for…”, too much repetition makes the letter sound very rigid. I suggest “I believe that I am an enthusiastic individual. This is reflected by my active participation in many co-curricular activities despite the heavy workload in NUS.” I feel that my suggestion is quite common though. You can try to think of other variations.
Overall, your letter is well written. Sentences are clear, short and easy to understand. There is only 1 main message per paragraph which makes it easy to read. You have also shown clear and solid evidence for your claims (which I find it rather difficult to do so).
Once again these are just my opinions. They might be wrong. :P
Cheers.
Hi, Sarah! Here is my feedback. Hope I am making sense. =P
ReplyDelete- At the start of paragraph 2, the phrase ‘I am in the last year of my university education’ seems redundant to me. When you say that you will be graduating in May 2010, the reader can figure out that this is your final year.
- Para 2 sentence 2: ‘Impart knowledge’ may sound better than ‘pass down knowledge’.
- Para 2 sentence 4: Can eliminate ‘particular’ from the phrase ‘particular primary six classes’.
- It may be more focused to group the second part of paragraph 2 and paragraph together. Both of them are dealing with work experience.
- In paragraph 4, there seems to be a broken link when you say how you are active in CCA despite your heavy academic workload. This point pertains more to time-management skill rather than being an enthusiastic person.
Hi Sarah! Looks like there are going to be three potential teachers in our class (Namely you, Wen Jun and I). Overall, your letter touched most of the job requirements that the Ministry seeks for and you closely linked them to the skills and experiences that you had. I like the organization of your application letter and the humility injected into the letter. Your qualification nicely suits the need for teachers with rich knowledge of Biology. Moreover, your contribution to a tuition kid’s excellence in PSLE is a good reflection of the great potential you have to become a teacher. You demonstrated good team leader and player spirits via the two participations you had in school. Most importantly, you never digress from the mention of wanting to be an Education Officer.
ReplyDeleteSince we are both going into the teaching line, I will tend to be a little more critical about this application letter.
-You are graduating in 2010? I think it is better to state down your real graduating year and change the application date to 2010 instead. =)
-Points for job requirement such as ‘Prepare students for challenges of life’ and ‘Nurture the spirit of innovation and passion for learning in our young’ are not explicitly discussed.
-In second paragraph, state how you are able to inject your own teaching methodologies other than adopting your teacher’s. The requirement mentions about nurturing innovation and for that to take place, the innovation must start from the teacher him/herself.
-In the fourth paragraph, if you are in the last year of studies, which mean you stayed in school for three years. Take note of the number of years you mentioned that you stayed in Kind Edward VII Hall.
-The sixth paragraph somewhat deters me a little. It is okay to use a sympathetic approach with a ‘Please’ to seek for an interview, but then in the same sentence, you ask for a time slot that suits your timing. Perhaps, in a nicer way, you can ask for the interview without listing that request. Upon a reply from them and a designated timeslot, you can then inform them nicely when you can make it.
Despite the suggestions, I still feel that your letter has great potential of getting you an interview and preferably, getting you the job. Good job and keep it up!
Regards,
Ivan
Hi all... Thank you for all your comments! I will look into improving my application letter from most of your suggestions which I agree. =)
ReplyDeleteIvan, I think you read my last paragraph wrongly. I did not ask for a time slot that suits my timing =)
Thanks for giving me idea about writing it is very useful thanks!
ReplyDeletenice
ReplyDeletethanks for giving me idea to how to write a application letter,you have many students and teacher teach
ReplyDeleteReally Helpful Information About Application letter for teaching (Reference of format from ''Science of Effective communicative in workplace'') How to be a Primary Teacher and what is it like to be a primary school teacher in the 21st century?
ReplyDeleteHello Everybody,
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