Nice guys exist so that women can be bitches! (A side post)

Note: If you want to comment on "Interpersonal conflict", please scroll down!

Hello once again! I can't help but share with all of you about something very interesting about Singapore women! (Men can read this as well for general understanding =P) This was written by someone on STOMP.


Over the weekend, I conducted a long-distance straw poll among five of my best male buddies who wouldn't be too taken aback at my weird, slightly belligerent question:
"Tell me what's so great about yourself."

So it turns out that most Singaporean men (if my bunch of buddies are any indication), have a pretty great impression of themselves (I'm inclined to agree with these guys, if only to not find myself suddenly bereft of male friends after this blog goes up).

"Well, I think the best thing about me, is that I'm super reliable. You know, I turn up when I say I will, I don't blow people off and I'm trustworthy. I'd never cheat on a girl." says A, whose words were more or less echoed by the rest in some form or other.

"The best thing about me, is that I'm financially secure," says B. "I don't gamble, I make calculated investments, I have a good steady job, a good income, and I save."
C pulls out the filial card: "I'm a family guy. I'm respectful to my parents, I look after my two younger sisters (he worked to pay for their education in Australia too) and I'm always around for my family."

D is good looking, fit, and one of the most athletic people I know: "I think the best thing about me, is my lifestyle. I'm healthy, I work out almost every day. I'm in shape and I like being active."

"Heck, I'm not too sure what's super special about me", but I'm just a really nice guy you know." E has so many positive traits, he can't single one out. "I'm an all-round friendly guy, most people think I'm reliable and honest and I'm responsible you know. That's why I'm good with people and I'm good at my job..."

If my buddies are any indication at all, it seems that Singaporean men, in general, are reliable, financially secure, value relationships and are all-around nice guys.

So why is it that all five of my buddies are either chronically single or divorced? They're all educated up to at least a first degree, hold good jobs, they're fit and healthy with no disfiguring illnesses, two of them are just plain rich and one looks like he could model underwear for a living.
By all means, each of them should be considered a "good catch", yet they spend Valentine's Day either alone, or trying to cajole someone out. After one too many "Lonely Hearts" sessions with these guys as their reluctant "fill in" date, I've formed the hypothesis that (some) Singaporean men are so good at their "good" traits, that there's ironically nothing exciting about them anymore. Everyone likes a reliable, trustworthy guy, but too much of that, and this fellow becomes staid, boring and predictable; the family guy who puts his family obligations first becomes a "mummy's boy"; and the financially dependable one ends up being an undesirable miserly figure who wouldn't spend on frivolities.

On the flipside, I have countless female acquaintances and friends of friends who aren't exactly the type that the average mother would be enamoured with. Simply put, they exhibit some of the worst traits of a female that I could imagine.

First of all, there's the group of chronic cheaters. It seems that one of the most deplorable traits about Singaporean women, is that when it comes to men and who they want to be with, they either can't make up their minds, or they want everyone out there. The chronic cheaters are girls who already have steady boyfriends (of years), but yet have a whole string of flings, one after another, to satisfy some apparent lack that their regular guy can't fulfil. And the amazing thing is that breaking up with their regular guy is out of the question, simply because he's such a reliable, family man (Note: Hear that, reliable, family men?) that he'd be a great investment for the future when marriage is eventually on the cards. One of these poor sods found out one day that his girl wasn't exactly true to him, but being so "nice", allowed her to have her fun if that would make her happy.Closely related to "wanting it all" when it comes to men, the other cringe-worthy trait of some Singaporean women is their unashamed materialism. They want expensive, shiny things too. A pal of mine has a friend who insisted that her boyfriend work another job so he could upgrade his car to a fancier model because his current second-hand clunker wasn't swanky enough to be valet-parked outside Zouk or something. And then there's the one who got all miserable and upset because her birthday was ruined when her boyfriend bought her a silver necklace (even if it did come with an engraved pendant), because it came from Perlini's and not Tiffany's. Both girls eventually got what they wanted though, from what I hear. So somewhere out there is a poor guy who works two jobs to pay off the loan on a swanky coupe and another's got a huge bill from Tiffany's for a necklace that although made of the same material, cost ten times more.

And then, there's the insanely jealous control freak. These are the girls with deep-rooted anxieties that make the green-eyed monster a permanent fixture. I've personally lost at least two guy friends who have disappeared down the "girlfriend abyss", simply because "my girlfriend doesn't like me hanging out with other girls..." And the crowning irony? There are Singaporean men out there who are more than willing to put up with these crazy cheating, materialistic and controlling traits, because all these girls I know, have (at least) one devoted partner.

Thinking about this blog topic that started out being more biased towards the men, I'm wondering who has the last laugh here.

The worst thing about Singaporean men, is that they're susceptible to be blinded by the flattery of a pretty girl paying them some short-term attention. And the best thing about Singaporean women, is that they're shrewd enough to suss out which guy will give them exactly what they want


(WoW! After reading this, my heart really goes out to her! She spoke my heart out even though I'm probably one of those guilty ones. It's rare that a singaporean woman criticises singaporean women! With so many realistic flaws of women which many do not realise, do you think Singaporean women are such a good catch after all?)

My interpersonal conflict

My NUS Science Club boss, Mary, and I, together with our entire committee, organised the Valentine’s Day Bazaar in the Faculty of Science. On that day, we hired external vendors to set up booths to sell items for a cause. We allowed our project directors and their committee members to do so as well. The whole purpose of this bazaar was to raise funds for our Freshmen Orientation Projects. Booths were randomly allocated and Mary specified that no one was to change the location of their booths.

On that faithful day, the sports director, John, realised that his booth was at an unfavourable location as there was low human traffic. Subsequently, he went around asking if anyone was willing to swap booths with him. One external vendor agreed and the swap took place. He thought it was alright not to inform Mary about the swap since the swap was mutually agreed. Do you think it was right of him to do so?

When Mary found out about the swap after her laboratory, she was enraged! She felt that John did not respect her at all as she was the event organiser. Being irrational, she closed down John’s booth, preventing his committee from selling their items. If you were her, would you have felt the same way too? When John realised that Mary had done that, John was even more infuriated! What made it worse was when he accidentally sent a SMS to her which stated “That stupid bitch closed my booth. What are we going to do?”. This SMS was supposedly meant for his Vice director, Paul. John soon realised his blunder and repeatedly apologised through SMS shortly after. He tried calling her but she did not answer his call. If you were John, how would you salvage the situation?

This unfortunate misunderstanding soured their working relationship by a great deal! When John explained and complained to me what had happened, I merely consoled him as I really did not know how to help him and did not dare to approach Mary. Do you think I should interfere if you were me?

Why are effective communication skills important for me?

The theory of effective communication, in my opinion, is something that is easy to grasp but difficult to achieve. Before I took on this course, my father, being a businessman, had repeatedly told me how important it is to master the art of effective communication in this world. I do agree with him because as I grew older and took on more responsibilities, I began to understand that one doesn’t live alone. In order for one to be an effective and successful person, one has to be an effective communicator.

For example, I took on the challenging role of being the Freshmen Orientation Projects Assistant Chairperson (FOPAC) in the Science Faculty executive committee last year. My role was to assist my boss in overseeing the 5 Freshmen Orientation Projects such as Science Camp etc. and to be in charge of NUS and Science Open House and matriculation fair. From my personal experience, I had a number of conflicts with my boss due to misunderstanding during our communication through our favourite communication channels: emails and handphones. I admit that I was afraid of face-to-face talking, or even calling, because I did not want to handle any consequences or negative reactions from her. Using of ineffective communication channels resulted in her messages not been passed down to me clearly and this had an impact on me when my planning of NUS open house did not meet her expectations.

From this experience, I realized that good communication among individuals is needed for any projects to run smoothly and attain high standards. I hope that I can hone my communication skills from this course and be able to apply these skills in my future endeavours so as to become a more effective person. All in all, I hope to reap more than what I sow.

Testing

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